Ramblings of the Cancer Insomniac

So here I am, writing this blog at 3:26 AM. Welcome to the world of the Cancer Insomniac. Let us see how coherent this turns out, considering the hour. There is a lot about cancer that nobody warns you about, right? I mean, really—are the doctors supposed to prep you for all the quirky, unexpected things you will experience? Because there is no guidebook. No wise guru whispering, “Hey, by the way, you might be up in the middle of the night, staring at your ceiling, blogging your feelings because your stomach feels like a washing machine.”

Tonight, what is keeping me up is a combination of two things: the unsettling gurgling in my stomach and the nonstop fidgeting of my fifteen-year-old Chihuahua, Peanut. He is twitching and wiggling next to me like he is deep in some dreamland. Maybe he is channeling my discomfort. Pets have a way of sensing things, do they not?

The Chemotherapy Side of Insomnia

Temodar Troubles

As part of my treatment plan, I take Temodar—a form of chemotherapy designed to basically poison the cancer out of me. And that is not dramatic; that is just science. The kicker is that while I only have to take it for five days, the dosage is three times what I am used to. That means higher intensity and stronger side effects, especially in the middle of the night.

This drug, my not-so-friendly companion, has left my stomach in a constant state of unrest. The nausea creeps in like a thief, robbing me of sleep. Combine that with the eerie silence of 3 AM, and it becomes the perfect cocktail for insomnia. Welcome to my nightly routine—battling both cancer and sleeplessness.

And the irony is not lost on me—chemo, designed to save my life, also robs me of one of the most basic human needs: rest. Sleep is supposed to help us heal. But how do you heal when you cannot sleep? That is a question I still do not have the answer to. What I do know is that these nights are long, and sometimes you just need something—anything—to fill the hours.

The Brain Fog Booster: Memantine

Thanks to radiation, my brain is not exactly firing on all cylinders. That is why my medical team introduced Memantine. Originally meant for dementia patients, it is supposed to help prevent memory decline due to radiation. But like most medications, it comes with side effects—namely, digestive issues and disrupted sleep patterns.

So here I am, taking medication for cancer, and medication to counteract what the treatment is doing to my brain, but then both meds are keeping me up at night. It is a cycle that feels ridiculous at times, yet very real. This is what it means to live as a Cancer Insomniac.

I have started writing down when I take each medication and how I feel afterward. It helps me notice patterns. Maybe some days are worse than others, maybe it is the combination of fatigue, meds, and the emotional toll of this journey. But logging my experience gives me something to work with—and that helps me feel a little more in control.

Small Comforts That Make a Big Difference

My Tea Ritual

I made myself a promise when I started this blog—to educate, to motivate, and to stay positive. So here is the educational bit for anyone reading this who is also struggling: know your meds. Know what they do, what they might do, and how you can manage it. For me, one of the only things that helps is a warm cup of lavender tea. I mix it with Laird creamer and a spoonful of Manuka honey. That little blend becomes a hug in a mug, easing the ache in my belly and settling my nervous system just enough for sleep to maybe sneak in.

If you are new to the world of cancer treatment, let me tell you: small comforts matter. A heated blanket. A playlist of calming music. Journaling. Talking to someone at 2 AM, even if it is just texting a friend. These rituals become lifelines. They help you build structure in the chaos, sanity in the struggle.

The Role of Writing

Writing has become my release valve. Sometimes people ask how I stay so positive. I do not always feel that way—but writing helps. It gives me space to say the hard things, the weird things, the things that are true at 3:26 AM that might not sound the same in the light of day. Writing keeps me grounded. It helps me transform pain into something meaningful.

There is something special about pouring your soul into a blog while the world sleeps. It is just you and the page. No performance. No expectations. Just honesty. That is what being a Cancer Insomniac has taught me—sometimes your most authentic self shows up when everything else goes quiet.

Even when I go back and reread these late-night entries, I am reminded of how far I have come. Some nights I break down. Some nights I reflect. But every entry is a piece of the puzzle, showing that I am still here, still moving forward. And that means everything.

Finding Strength in Stillness

Fellow Warriors, You Are Not Alone

To my fellow Cancer Insomniacs: I see you. I feel you. I know what it is like to stare at the ceiling wondering when morning will come. I know the ache of missing normalcy, the desire to just feel okay again. But you are not alone. Every sleepless night, every battle with side effects, every whispered hope in the dark—it all matters. You matter.

Do not give up. It does get easier, or at least more manageable. We are all fighting the same fight—to live. To love. To laugh again. And sometimes, to sleep through the night. That is a goal worth chasing, too.

Ending on a Quiet Note

As I wrap up this blog, my tea is finally steeped, and Peanut has calmed down. Maybe now I can catch a few hours of rest. Maybe not. But either way, I feel a little lighter having written this.

To anyone awake right now, know this: your fight is valid. Your story matters. And if all you did tonight was survive another restless hour, that is enough. From one Cancer Insomniac to another—good night.

Helpful Resources

• Managing Sleep Problems During Cancer
• More blogs at JohnVsGBM
• National Sleep Foundation: Insomnia Guide

Tags: Cancer Insomniac, Cancer and Sleep, Chemo Side Effects, Radiation Recovery, Temodar Experience, Cancer Blog, Late Night Thoughts, Cancer Warriors, Cancer Support, Manuka Honey for Sleep, Lavender Tea for Anxiety, JohnVsGBM