Optune Is My Broccoli: Why I Wear It Even When I Hate It

Optune Is My Broccoli: Why I Wear It Even When I Hate It

Let’s be honest. Wearing Optune is like choosing broccoli over brownies every single day. We know it is good for us. We know it could save our lives. We know it is part of the fight. But damn, some days I would rather throw it across the room than strap it to my bald, sticky head.

I have read a lot of posts and debates online from people in the brain cancer community—Should I wear Optune? Is it worth it? Does it really help? Is it worth the looks, the hassle, the itching, the sweating, the fear of being seen?

Let me tell you this: I ask myself those same questions every day. I am no hero. I am not the perfect patient. I am not walking around like a warrior in a commercial, all smiles and acceptance. I am walking around with electrodes stuck to my head, plugged into a battery pack like some cyborg with glioblastoma. And it sucks. But I still wear it.

A Love-Hate Relationship (With Electrodes)

Let me be clear—Optune is both a blessing and a burden. It gives me hope, and it tests my patience. It fights for me, and it fights against my comfort. It is the partner in this fight that I never asked for but cannot live without.

Wearing Optune is like committing to a clean diet. You know it is the right choice, but it takes effort. Real effort. No one walks into a salad bar and says, “Oh yay, steamed kale again!” in the same way no one wakes up and says, “Sweet, time to glue hot plastic arrays to my scalp!”

But just like a healthy lifestyle, the payoff is in the long game. Science says Optune extends life. Real people—people like me—are living longer. That is the point. I do not wear it because I love the feeling. I wear it because I love living.

The Real Struggles No One Sees

Let me walk you through a day in the life with Optune:

• I start the day by checking my arrays. Are they still making good contact? Am I getting enough hours?

• My head itches. All the time. But scratching is not an option unless I want to break a seal and start all over.

• The adhesive can rip at your skin. My scalp is often red, tender, even bleeding if I am not careful. And trust me, there is nothing sexy about a weeping bald spot.

• I sweat more than I ever did. I live in fear of overheating, especially in the summer. Beach days? Forget it.

• I worry about what people see. The stares. The awkward smiles. The curious kids. The silent assumptions.

And then there is the logistical hell: battery changes, charger juggling, array replacements every few days, packing it up like it is a suitcase full of medical secrets every time I leave the house.

So yes, wearing Optune is work. Like meal prepping every week, like choosing salad over fries, like skipping dessert because you care about your blood sugar—it is work. And it is exhausting. But it is still worth it.

Why I Still Choose It

I think a lot about choice in this cancer journey. Some things I did not choose—like Glioblastoma. Like the fear. Like the way my life changed in a single sentence from a doctor.

But I did choose to fight. And I continue choosing to fight. Every. Damn. Day.

Wearing Optune is part of that. Even on the days I want to throw it in the trash. Even on the days I cry while replacing the arrays. Even when I fantasize about a day without cords or sweat or questions. I still strap it on, because it gives me a fighting chance.

Just like someone chooses to eat a grilled chicken salad when their heart screams for nachos, I choose Optune, not because it is easy—but because it is what my life needs right now.

Getting Over the Mental Hurdles

Let’s talk about guilt. The guilt of not wearing it 75% of the time like they recommend. The guilt of needing a break. The guilt of choosing comfort over compliance for a day or two.

Here is my truth: I forgive myself. This is hard. Wearing Optune is hard. It is not a weakness to need a break. It is not a moral failure to feel resentful. It is human.

And if you are someone deciding whether to start Optune, or questioning if you can handle it, here is what I will say: You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to hate it. But do not let that be the end of the conversation.

You are also allowed to fight. You are allowed to wear it imperfectly. You are allowed to pick it back up after a rough patch and try again. That counts too.

For the People Watching from the Sidelines

To the friends and family who love someone with GBM, wearing Optune is not just about statistics or survival curves. It is about dignity. About control. About believing in something when everything feels out of control.

So if you know someone wearing it, do not say “At least it helps!” or “You look fine!” Say, “I see you. This is hard. You are strong even when it sucks.”

Because this is not about vanity or convenience. This is about life. And life is messy. It is sweaty, itchy, uncomfortable, and beautiful in its fight.

Some Days I Hate It—and That Is Okay

There are mornings I look at Optune like it is broccoli soaked in vinegar. I hate it. I do not want it. I want a break. I want to scream.

But then I think about my husband. I think about the people who love me. I think about waking up tomorrow and still being here. And I put it back on.

Some days, fighting like hell means smiling with gratitude. Other days, it means muttering curse words while untangling cords. Both are valid. Both are brave.

Final Thoughts: Broccoli and Batteries

I am not here to preach. I am not here to say you have to do what I do. I am here to say this: You are allowed to make hard choices. You are allowed to fight on your terms. And if Optune is part of that fight for you, even if it is messy, even if it is inconsistent, even if you hate it—welcome to the club.

Because fighting does not always look like triumph. Sometimes it looks like broccoli and batteries.

And I choose to fight like hell. Even when I hate it. Especially when I hate it. Because that is when it matters most.