Did I Deserve to Get Cancer?

As I was brainstorming my next blog topic, I could not shake a lingering question: Do people genuinely deserve to get cancer? It is something that often lurks in the recesses of my mind. Did I somehow merit getting cancer? I know it might sound ludicrous, but bear with me here. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are left wondering, "Why is it me?" or "What did I do to deserve this?"

It is that moment when you start questioning whether the universe has it out for you or if some divine force is punishing you for some unknown transgression. Let us be honest for a moment—have not we all entertained these thoughts at some point? Especially when we are lying in a hospital bed, when the MRI scans come back cloudy, or when the side effects of treatment knock us flat? These are the moments that make the most rational person go searching for deeper answers.

Why Me?

Sometimes, I cannot help but wonder, shouldn't someone else be facing this instead of me? I hear you, and you are probably thinking, "Come on, John, nobody deserves to get cancer." But let us entertain the thought for a moment. Consider the truly vile individuals in history—the likes of Hitler, Putin, or ruthless dictators responsible for unfathomable atrocities. Should not they be the ones facing such hardships? Why is it me, someone who has never intentionally harmed another?

Sure, I might have accidentally cut off an old lady on the freeway or skimped on a tip for my waiter, but does that really compare? When you are battling a terminal diagnosis, everything becomes amplified. Every mistake, every regret, every forgotten act of kindness or lapse in judgment. Your brain turns into a courtroom, and you are both judge and defendant, searching for evidence of guilt.

My Father’s Grace

This contemplation does not just revolve around myself; it extends to someone incredibly dear to me—my father. Despite battling Parkinson's disease, he remains one of the most compassionate and thoughtful individuals I have ever known. There is a unique bond in a son's relationship with his father, often overshadowed by interactions with our mothers. We tend to overlook expressing our admiration and gratitude to our dads, failing to acknowledge how profoundly they have shaped us.

My dad epitomizes selflessness; he always puts his children's needs above his own. This trait was not something he inherited from his own parents; it was a conscious decision to become a better person, one that deeply influenced both my sister and me. I can see this influence in how my sister cares for her son, and I see it in the way I treat my husband. My father has shown me what it means to give without expectation and to love without condition. And yet, he faces a degenerative disease with unimaginable grace. If anyone should be spared, it should be him. But here we are.

The Myth of Deserving

Thinking about these ideas has helped me understand spirituality and how a higher power fits into our lives better. As I tried to figure out if people really deserve to get cancer, I started to question if there is something bigger at work, like God stepping in. It is normal to wonder if there is a kind of cosmic fairness, where good people get rewarded and bad ones get punished. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it is not that simple.

The harsh truth is that life does not always reward virtue or punish evil. Sickness does not discriminate. It does not follow a moral blueprint. The idea that illness is punishment may stem from an outdated belief system—a need to create order out of chaos. But real life? Real life is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes painfully unjust.

Seeking Spiritual Meaning

My dad's fight with Parkinson's is a powerful example. He has always been kind and caring, yet he is still dealing with this illness. It reminds me that life does not always make sense, no matter how good you are. It has made me realize that spirituality is not about getting rewarded or punished by a higher power. It is more about finding meaning and direction when things are uncertain.

As we navigate life's unexpected turns, we are encouraged to explore our spirituality more deeply. It is not only about who gets what—it is about finding meaning and courage when things get tough. Watching my dad stay strong in the face of illness taught me that true spirituality is not about everything working out perfectly; it is about finding calm in the chaos and treating everyone with dignity, regardless of their struggles.

The Value of Vulnerability

It has taken me a long time to admit that these thoughts even cross my mind. Talking about illness is hard. Talking about guilt is even harder. But vulnerability is necessary. When we let go of the mask—of needing to be strong or grateful 24/7—we create space for truth. And the truth is, many of us wonder if we brought this on ourselves. If you have ever felt that way, I want to tell you this: You did not. Cancer is not a punishment. It is not karma. It is not payback. It is a disease. And you are a human being doing your best to survive it.

Finding Purpose in the Chaos

I do not know why I got cancer. I do not know why my dad has Parkinson’s. But I do know that both of us are fighting. And we are learning. And we are still showing up. Maybe that is the point. Maybe life is not about deserving. Maybe it is about responding—with heart, with grit, with grace.

Writing this blog, sharing my thoughts, telling my story—it gives me purpose. It turns pain into connection. If my words resonate with just one person, if they offer a sliver of relief or understanding, then they matter. Then I matter. And maybe that is how we get through things we do not deserve—by turning them into something someone else might need.

Final Thoughts

So, do I deserve to get cancer? No. And neither do you. Illness is not a measure of your worth. It is not a judgment of your past. It is a part of life that, unfortunately, some of us are asked to carry. But in carrying it, we uncover strength, resilience, and wisdom that we never knew we had.

In the end, maybe the better question is not whether we deserved this, but how we choose to live with it. And I choose to live with honesty, love, and hope—even when it is hard. Especially when it is hard.

Helpful Resources

• American Cancer Society – Understanding Illness and Grief
• Grief.com – Navigating Loss and Uncertainty
• More Reflections from JohnVsGBM

Tags: Deserve to Get Cancer, Cancer Reflection, Spiritual Questions, Illness and Meaning, Family Strength, Parkinson's Disease, JohnVsGBM, Coping with Cancer, Life Questions, Guilt and Illness

Disclaimer: This blog reflects personal experiences and is not medical or spiritual advice. If you are experiencing emotional distress, please seek support from a professional. For immediate help in the U.S., call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. You are not alone. Your life matters.